How to Support a Friend With Cancer
How to Support a Friend With Cancer
Be the Best Friend You Can Be to A Cancer Patient in Need
Cancer diagnosis and treatment is a very difficult time that requires physical, emotional and mental strength. What makes things more challenging is that sometimes cancer treatment may soak up strength and energy from one, two or even all of these aspects of life. It’s important for a cancer patient to have a supportive group of people at their side to help carry the load when the going gets tough. Dr. Shyamali Singhal, Oncologist at El Camino Hospital says, “Cancer treatment is a time of dramatic changes so to handle it best a cancer patient and his or her support group must learn to be flexible and to embrace change.”
Message Your Friend in Multiple Formats
Now a days, with technology and social media, staying in touch with friends is easier than ever. Some people aren’t as connected digitally, however, or have a specific channel or platform that they prefer. Try to reach your friend with cancer frequently on their preferred communication platform but then also step outside of that to reach them in different ways. It’s refreshing to engage in more active forms of communication such as facetime conversations, voice messages, traditional phone calls, and even the old fashioned hand delivered note or card. Whatever your preferred method of contact, be sure to leave your friend with the impression that they are important to you, you care, and that you are emotionally available to them.
Physically Meet Up With Your Friend
Physical contact is a great way to break tension and any awkwardness about being “sick”. Show supportive affection through hugs, handshakes, kisses, or simply by sharing space and your presence. It’s best to make regular and planned short visits to support a friend with cancer rather than making less frequent, impromptu and long visits. Moods can change rapidly with cancer patients so stay flexible, don’t be offended if you show up at a bad time, and don’t stay so long that they may feel that they need to entertain you. If you do plan on visiting your friend with cancer for an extended period of time bring some form of entertainment for yourself to ease the pressure and allow them to nap if they’re tired. Extended visits are also a good chance to give the caregiver a much needed break so keep them in the loop as well.
Initiate Conversation and Make Yourself Available to Talk
Conversation is an important part of expressing and coming to terms with difficult thoughts and emotions. Allow your friend with cancer to feel however they feel and don’t feel compelled to have to say anything in return at all. It’s perfectly okay to say, “I don’t know what to say.” What’s important is your presence and your ability to listen. Avoiding the subject of cancer can be awkward as it’s now a dominant aspect of your friend’s life and they may want to talk about it, but they also may not. Just be honest with what your comfortable with or hoping to focus on and express it. “Are you in the mood to talk about it? I’m here if you do. If not, let’s go watch a movie and take our mind off everything.”
Helping With Chores and Tasks
The most effective and efficient way to help a cancer patient is to get together with the caretaker, make a list of chores that need to be done and see which ones you can help take off their plate. Dr. Shyamali Singhal, General Surgeon, and Oncologist at El Camino Hospital in the Silicon Valley says, “Remember, even helping the caretaker with their chores is a way of helping your friend who’s undergoing cancer treatment.” If your friend can’t think of anything offer weekly rounds of cleaning, making meals, yard work, baby sitting, grocery shopping, laundry, library or prescription runs, anything that routinely gets done can be delegated to someone else.
Presents!
Not all cancer patients or people in general are receptive to help. Some people need to establish their independence in order to feel in control, and that’s okay, because there’s always gifts! Some cancer patients may have a restricted diet so food isn’t always the best choice. Think about how your friend is currently spending their time and cater to making that more enjoyable. Comfort, entertainment and relaxation are good areas to focus on when thinking of gifts for cancer patients. Self-care is another excellent choice for cancer patient gift ideas. Products that fight the effects of chemotherapy and radiation treatment such as non-toxic lotions, shampoos, conditioners, and nail care products can go a long way in making your friend feel like their old self again.
Presence is Your Most Valuable Gift
The most valuable thing we can give anyone is our undivided attention. Attention is a form of love and love can be a healing experience, even if just mentally. Before visiting your friend with cancer clear your mind so that you can truly be present with them and offer them your best, most receptive self. If you can’t be as present as you would like with you friend because you’re busy or living far away, don’t worry, there’s always gifts! Show your friend that you care and that your thinking about them with a gift from our oncologist approved product line that’s been designed specifically with cancer patients in mind.